One of the hardest lies to unlearn is that love means unlimited access. That if you really loved someone you would always be available, always say yes, always absorb whatever they handed you and smile while you did it. I believed that for years, and it nearly emptied me.
Boundaries are not rejection
A boundary is simply a line that tells the truth about what you can and cannot carry. It is not a wall that shuts people out. It is not a punishment for someone who upset you. It is information, offered honestly, about where you end and another person begins.
When you tell a friend you cannot talk after nine, you are not loving her less. You are making sure that when you do talk, you can actually show up. When you decline to be the family member who fixes every crisis, you are not abandoning anyone. You are refusing to take responsibility for what was never yours to hold.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.Proverbs 4:23
The guilt is not proof you are wrong
Here is the part nobody tells you. Setting a boundary will often feel like guilt, especially at first, especially if you were raised to keep the peace at any cost. That guilt is not evidence that you have done something wrong. It is evidence that you are doing something new.
Love and limits are not opposites. The healthiest relationships I have are the ones where both people know the edges and respect them. There is freedom in that. When people know you will be honest about your capacity, they can finally trust your yes, because they know you are capable of saying no.
You are allowed to love someone deeply and still protect your peace. In fact, protecting your peace may be the only way you will have anything left to give them.
With you on the journey,
Autumn